The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Failed to entertain me last night. Having read the series the first time because my college roommate wouldn't shut up about them, and then another three times because I wrote a research paper about the influence the series has on young women.. I was going to finish that by saying I expected a bit more. Let's not lie.

If you are any sort of semi-serious film connoisseur, this film will ultimately confuse and confound you. Do not attempt to view without some sort of booze in your system.

I wasn't expecting much more than the pure entertainment of watching young and old Twi-hards squeal and shriek in their seats over Edwards' brooding (some would say constipated) stares and Jacobs' abs. I was less than impressed.

Let me get this out of the way now. I'm not sure if Jackson Rathbone's obvious transition into Jasper's southern drawl over the last three films is my biggest pet peeve about the films, or my favorite thing. Let's be clear that by "favorite thing" what I actually mean is worst piece of acting that inevitably makes me giggle in my seat. The accent was dripping with Texas Beef Brisket by the time Jasper was teaching everyone to fight the newborns, and I couldn't help but burst out laughing when the audience was swept back to his days as a Confederate Major.

The opening scene starts - Riley walking through the pouring rain in Seattle and I was stricken with the thought that perhaps David Slade had finally landed the appropriate cinematography for the Twilight films - then what's-his-face Riley started acting scared-college-student-attacked-by-vampire and the film went downhill from there. I'll give it to Slade for the first 15 seconds though, cause he really wowed me with that rain. It was almost as if he gave up in the editing room when he realized he couldn't edit away what's-his-name Riley's poor acting skills, so he just started playing with different cinematic techniques.

I'm not even going to try and tackle Robert Pattinson's acting because it's clear by the psychotic facial expressions he used throughout this film that he's now angry with Summit Entertainment for roping him in to the franchise in the first place and simply wishes he could slip away to a life of dive bars, pubs and booze. Homie, cannot, act.

Then there's K-Stew. She's finally gotten rid of the shake acting she'd been using in the previous two films, but now she's moved on to something even more terrifying. The man scream. I'm pretty sure every time she tried to yell out dramatically the whole theater ruptured into laughter.




The really sad part about this whole film franchise is that despite the way in which Stephanie Meyer butchered her own series [by not using an editor, or having any talent as a writer], the films could have been pretty good. Instead what we're left with is a series of movies that obviously favor the underdog (no pun intended) because Taylor Lautner is the better actor, which isn't saying much. The audience can't help but laugh because if we didn't we'd cry.

I probably could have done a better job as Bella and the only part I've ever played was a lunch lady in a One Act production of Fly Pudding in the 11th grade.